“Even though I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, I’m going to think positive and hope for the best” ~ Dreamsquote.com
It’s already the end of January and it feels time is moving faster than we are able to keep up with it. After a year of Covid-19, the losses are profound and so many people are engulfed in grief. I, too am feeling a loss. This weekend is two years since my family and I said goodbye to our Mom on January 30, 2019. Is it any wonder we might feel helpless and wonder how to find hope again?
I want to share with you today what I believe many have experienced. The ability to find hope after feeling helpless.
I can’t stand feeling helpless and yet my family and I felt this way with Mom’s care. So often Mom would come down with an infection. The infection would take a hold of her and she remained in bed far longer than we ever imagined. Antibiotics helped but because of dementia, her body remained weak. She was unable to get out of bed and back to her routine.
There was nothing to be done to change Mom’s journey. We couldn’t take this away from her and it was horrible to watch her struggle. She became a shell of the woman she used to be. Alzheimer’s/Dementia is a cruel disease as there are many others. No one would should have to leave the world with any disease which robs them of their dignity and renders them helpless to do anything about it.
One thing which immediately comes to mind is the fact that my family and I couldn’t change the experience and journey for our Mom nor can anyone else who may be dealing with a horrific illness. There is no bucket of tears to fill or depressed feelings to express or anything to do to take away the pain of someone else’s story and the journey they live.
Here is where hope comes in. Living and watching the sadness of one’s illness, what becomes very clear is we can truly honor someone by living our best life through contribution. We can donate, we can give our time, we can hug, we can stand in unison to hold up those who have lost so much. We will end up feeling good about ourselves for having contributed. Presence is always enough.
I think about my Mom every day and have so many feelings. I adore this woman. She gave life to me and brought me into the world. She raised me. She taught me how to be the best person I know how to be. She showed me love and taught me how to love. She showed me kindness, generosity, honesty, truth, and the importance of family. She taught me everything I ever need to know about friendship. She also taught me to be strong and confident. Most of all, she taught me how to find my way in the world, to love with a heart wide open and to forgive when I have been hurt. She led by example and because she taught me so well, I made the choice to take care of her as she had done for me my entire life. Again, this is hope. To live what we have learned.
And when we feel overwhelmed with helplessness, give it a voice.
Allow others to help. We are not alone. Support is there. Reach out and others will help. There are many people who have experienced what you may be going through, maybe not the exact situation, but something similar. When we tell our story, it’s amazing how small the world becomes. Someone who you may not have realized is there to support and to give a new perspective.
There is nothing easy about helplessness. It will test your resolve. Rest assured, hope is lurking around the corner. Give a voice to your helplessness and others will surround you with love and be there for you. No matter what.
thanks Mary for this writing…..i was fond of your mom and will say a pray and thank God for her as part of being in my life…..she always made me smile…….
Thank you Marie for your kind words and saying a prayer for my Mom. She had her special way and I’m happy to hear she always made you smile. Me too! As much as I miss her (and my Dad), I’m glad they are together again. I’m sure they are loving, laughing and definitely shaking things up in Heaven!