“Crying doesn’t always mean you’re weak, it just means that you’ve been strong for too long.” ~ Author Unknown
Last week I wrote about the ugly cry.
And today it has continued….
The day after my Dad’s birthday, well… it was Mom’s turn and there we were in the Emergency Room. Mom has a new wrinkle in her journey of life and that is to include diabetes.
A scary moment for us all when as her sugars got completely out of wack, there we were with Mom being unresponsive and appearing that maybe she had a stroke…
who knew? And with her primary ailment of dementia/Alzheimer’s, well the last thing we ever want is to see Mom in the hospital. It just has the most dire of consequences to her mental health so we try to avoid it at all costs.
So there we were……. in the emergency room wondering what is next.
The ugly cry just doesn’t want to let go.
It’s unbelievable sometimes.
You just can’t wrap your head around that this is what you are up against.
For us last week, it was Mom, unresponsive and certainly it felt like she was spiraling down a dark road and we couldn’t stop it.
The outrage… “Why is this happening?”
Will Mom come out of this?
Will we bring her home?
The questions take over.
So many times we say, “You just can’t make this up”.
And as I write this, I hear my brother, Mike say, “you can, but who would?”
I always laugh when Mike says that because we’ve gotten through the worst of whatever was happening and then we laugh and smile that we just can’t make this up.!
Sometimes though…… it just doesn’t feel that way.
Sometimes…… I just want to throw my arms up in the air and say
“I have had enough of this!”
“Stop it!!!” “Stop it right now!”
“I can’t take this anymore”
Sometimes, the ugly cry is all I can do.
Sometimes…. The ugly cry is what I am filled with and surrounded by.
Sometimes, the ugly cry is what I do to get through the moment that is in front of me.
Sometimes, the ugly cry is the only comfort that I can find.
Sometimes I just don’t care what anyone thinks.
I just don’t care how I come across
I just don’t care how I look or how I appear
I just don’t care what I say and who agrees with me or approves
Sometimes I just want to get off the merry-go-round
Sometimes I could care less what happens, I just want out
And sometimes that is perfectly okay…
Sometimes… the ugly cry as much as it won’t let go is exactly what I need in the moment.
Sometimes the ugly cry… what starts out to be the fashion mistake of life is the one thing that will make me feel better.
Sometimes… the ugly cry carries lessons and wisdom that I am not ready to receive until I’m in the throws of the ugly cry.
Sometimes…. The ugly cry is not this bad thing at all but a necessary evil that will help me in the moment and when it is done, allow me to see a rainbow and a new day.
Sometimes… the ugly cry is my friend.
I’ve had many moments recently in the throws of the ugly cry.
What I can share with you this….
I’m not afraid of the ugly cry.
Yes, the ugly cry is just that ugly
You will look bad awful
You will feel bad awful
You will even feel sometimes out of control and think that it won’t stop and you won’t get past it
You will wish you just didn’t cry
You will wish or hold yourself to an unbelievably high standard that you are so strong and that you shouldn’t be crying.
You will wish you didn’t give in to the tears and the overwhelm
But, honestly, who cares and so what?
I mean no disrespect when I say that….
Truth be told… lessons, life aha’s and precious moments come when we least expect them.
And, yes…. So many lessons come with the ugly cry….
It is nothing to be ashamed of or feared.
It just is…
The ugly cry is there to help us, not hurt us…
So cut yourself some slack, leave yourself alone and give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you need to feel… ugly cry and all.
It’s all okay and in the grand scheme of things, if you felt something, learned something or experienced an aha… it’s all worth it.