“You know that nothing will change but you still keep on waiting”
~ Author Unknown
I can’t stand feeling helpless. And my life these days is all about feeling helpless.
There is absolutely nothing I can do to change the journey that my Mom is going through. Nothing. I hate that. I hate that I can’t change this for her. I hate that she struggles. I hate that she’s a shell of who she used to be. I hate that for the most part the Mom I’ve always known is already gone and I hate even more than that I will lose her again when God calls her home. Helpless. It’s there more times than I care to admit but I can’t allow it to take over and get in the way.
There are no words for it.
I’ve felt helpless before but it wasn’t this close. So many times I have felt helpless but it never felt how it does in my life right now.
I felt helpless
Sad to say, sometimes, every day I can feel helpless just listening to the news. It’s unreal how much loss goes on all the time. Every one of the tragedies that I mentioned, I had mixed emotions; first and foremost, I was grateful that my family was unscathed and yet, I was helpless for those that were not. All I was left to do as most of you were, was to contribute and support in any way possible.
So what is our contribution? We donate, we give our time, we hug, we stand in unison to hold up those that have lost so much. And, we feel good about doing this and we feel good about ourselves for having contributed. And that goes back to my newsletter of a few weeks ago that your presence is always enough.
Sometimes my feelings of contribution just don’t feel the same as I take care of my Mom. There’s that helpless feeling again. It always lurking in the background.
I adore this woman. She brought me into the world. She raised me. She taught me how to be the best person that I can be. She showed me love and taught me how to love. She showed me kindness, generosity, honesty, truth, and the importance of family. She taught me everything I ever need to know about friendship. She also taught me how to be strong and confident. Most of all she taught me how to find my way in the world, to be strong and to forgive when I have been hurt. She led by example and now because she taught me so well, I make the choice to take care of her as she has done for me my entire life.
In all of those lessons, what I wasn’t taught was helplessness. Nothing has prepared me for feeling at a loss to do nothing. And as I say that, I feel that every parent has not been prepared for helplessness. Every parent has had a moment when whatever their child might be going through there were times when there was absolutely nothing they could do to make it better; other than to stand there and watch their child hurt. Helplessness. It is something all of us will experience whether we are parents or not.
And as many times as we can all come up with an example of times when we have felt helpless, nothing compares to the times when the person we are feeling helpless about is our parent, child, spouse, friend….
When it is our nearest and dearest, it takes on a whole new meaning.
The helplessness feels magnified. It’s close and it’s personal. It causes us to be off balance and feel lost as to what to do. We don’t have the same objectivity that we might have when it is someone not so close and personal to us.
So what do we do?
Well, in my case with my Mom, I gave it a voice. I said out loud to you that I hate that I feel helpless.
I also shared all my personal and intimate emotions about how I feel.
That’s what we can do.
The point that I am trying to make is this, when the helplessness that we feel is because of someone that is our nearest and dearest it is so much harder to admit that it hurts as much as it does.
And, it’s even harder to accept help when we feel that we should be able to handle it all by ourselves.
And that is also the moment where we are given an opportunity to let go and allow others to help us. That is the moment for us to see the truth that we are not alone. The support is there for us. All we have to do is reach out and others will help. There are so many people who have experienced what we are going through, maybe not our exact situation, but something similar and when we tell our story, it’s amazing how small the world becomes and someone who you may not have even realized is there to offer support and give you a new perspective.
So my friends, there’s nothing easy about helplessness. But what I can share with you is this…. Yes, helplessness is hard and yes helplessness will test your resolve. But, it is not a place where you are meant to stay. Give a voice to your helplessness and others will surround you with love and be there for you. No matter what.