“Repeat After Me: My current situation is not my final destination.” ~ The Vibrant Mind
I write this newsletter every week because I feel passionate about many people hurting unnecessarily because they feel alone, isolated or nobody understands what they are going through.
Society does not talk much about what to do when the rug is pulled out from under you. Dramatic life changes are real. They happen and many times we have no coping skills for how to move forward.
Quite often people say stupid things. Not because they are mean or ignorant, but I believe it is because, they are afraid. Someone else’s loss or bad situation mirrors what could happen to them and that is frightening. Unfortunately, the words offered are not always the best they can be.
All of this is out of our control. The only thing we can control is ourselves. The only time we have is right now.
Now is constant
Now is all there is
I have come to believe with time, lots of sorting through, and finding ways to cope when life throws a curve ball, is to embrace now.
There is not one thing anyone can change about what has happened in their life. You can’t un-ring the bell. You can’t take back the bad moment of hurtful words said or not showing up when you needed to. You can’t go back. You can’t undo anything that was done. I know I have spent much more time than I should have on wishing some outcomes were different than they were. Have you?
Therefore, I write this newsletter to spread the word with the hope that what I have learned along the way will be beneficial to someone else. We all have demons and many times we wish we made a different choice. Like you and certainly like me, I have held myself to unrealistic standards and wished I could have done everything just so. I had the perfect scenario and believed it would be exactly as I imagined, only to be crushed it didn’t turn out how I expected or wanted it to at all.
Now is all there is.
Now is the only thing you can control.
You have this moment right now.
Look back with kind eyes
You made the best decisions at the time and you felt confident.
If it turned out not as you thought or hoped it would, there’s nothing you can do about it.
Acknowledge and give yourself credit for the decision made. Right or wrong you made the best decision you could at the time. You had no control over the outcome.
This takes time to realize and know.
So, what do you need to know to create healthy thinking for yourself? The simple answer is to stay present every moment. Pay attention to everything you experience as it happens. Look at your situation with no judgment, no resistance. The simplicity of doing this will keep you aware of the present. For example:
• Start looking for beauty, love, support and joy now. Look for companionship and love with those nearby. This is not about creating a new relationship. Find moments of friendship. Share and seek company in the present.
• Think of yourself – be loving and kind to you. Cherish your home and its surroundings. Notice a flower or a plant. What sounds do you hear? Is there music you enjoy that makes you smile? See the beauty in the day.
• Sit quietly and breathe. Notice how your body feels. Be aware of your heart. Feel your pulse. Imagine yourself surrounded by love and always protected.
What I am suggesting is quite simple. There is beauty in moment to moment awareness.
The obstacle of negative emotions makes this difficult. We experience emotions of fear, anger, jealousy, pride, ignorance, etc. The beauty in learning to be aware and mindful is we can diffuse emotions and deal with them better. Negative emotions puts us in an environment of overwhelm. It can keep us stuck when many emotions are happening all at once.
Some ways to handle difficult emotions:
• Allow yourself time and space away from others to be with your thoughts
• Sit quietly, close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing
• Be aware of your emotions and avoid the desire to resist and push away the negative.
• Let negative emotions come up. Think of something that is upsetting you.
• Be aware of the triggers which brings up negative emotion.
• Stay present. Feel the force of emotion causing you pain.
• What do you want to do at this very moment? Scream, cry, hit something? (Don’t do anything. Think about it)
• As you focus your energy, detail in your mind how you are feeling at this moment. What would you like to do? As you do this, you will decrease the intensity of the emotion. It will pass and not feel so overwhelming.
The events of life can be handled better by staying present and accepting the angst. Acceptance is about no judgment and no resistance. It is about learning to accept the situation as it is right now. Everything changes in time.
There is a beautiful song which expresses everything I am sharing with you. The song is called “Now” by Dave Carroll. Below is the link. I hope you enjoy it: